


cause i still fucking love you

by RootsCanary



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Also someone bring the lance sisters back to me I MISS THEM SO MUCH, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Lots of Angst Actually, anyways i love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:54:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28744317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RootsCanary/pseuds/RootsCanary
Summary: Nyssa made it into the invasion crossover (the season 2 one on Legends with the dominators aka pre-Ava) so naturally, Sara is a gay mess. Angst and final goodbyes ensue. Come cry with me over Nyssara and the Lance sisters in 2021.
Relationships: Nyssa al Ghul/Sara Lance
Comments: 12
Kudos: 37





	cause i still fucking love you

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this for Lily (follow @lesbianheywood on twitter for quality content) as we had come up with the concept of Nyssa as part of the crossover together. Anyways, I now edited it a bit and I hope, some of you like reading it as well.  
> This fic follows the scene during which they get sucked into the space ship and are essentially in a simulation aka the episode where Laurel made us all cry.  
> Special shoutout to S2 Sara, I had missed her, was nice to write her again, hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it.  
> (Side note, comments make me super super happy.)

"Who's that woman?" 

Sara nodded towards one of the guests, a woman with dark hair in an elegant black dress. Sara swore, she could almost see her abs through the fabric. 

Laurel smiled. 

"You mean Nyssa? I'm surprised you haven't met yet. I've definitely told you about her before.“

Sara raised an eyebrow. 

"We were in the same law program. Not because she wants to practice it but her dad owns an international law firm which represents, well, the worst of criminals mostly. He wants her to take it over at one point so she didn’t really have much of a choice. She was good though, the only other girl who had straight A's and we were in almost all the same classes in our first year. We were competing with each other then. It was stupid, really, mostly just because we both wanted to be the best student in our class, I guess. But in our second year, one of the professors made us do a project on human rights together and ever since, she’s been there for me throughout all of college and helped me get my first internship through a friend of her dad's too.“

Sara smirked. 

"Wait, was that the girl crush you once mentioned?" 

Laurel chuckled. 

"Maybe. I'm over that though, rather clearly, I guess." she said, raising her hands vaguely towards Oliver and the rest of the room. 

"Huh. Does look like you've got better taste in women than in men." Sara said dryly at which Laurel almost spit out her drink. 

After jokingly lecturing her younger sister about how this was terrible timing with the expensive dress she was wearing, the sisters reminisced about the times when Sara visited Laurel in college and how excited she always was, especially before she moved out herself. 

But Sara's eyes kept on darting back to the woman in the other corner of the room. There was something mysterious about her. Sometimes, that was enough for Sara to feel drawn to someone. But there was more to it. She felt like she knew Nyssa. Not in the way that she had seen her at Laurel's graduation or briefly met her before but a deeper type of knowing, almost like there was an invisible bond threaded between them.  
Something that also immediately let her decipher the lack of interest she had in the conversation with the man in front of her as Sara noticed, far too pleased and far too easily. 

Bored with him, Nyssa let her gaze wander and their eyes met. Sara felt a wave of shock roll through her body. Suddenly she saw an image of her kissing Nyssa, her own body between her and rough stone walls that looked oddly familiar. Nyssa's hand was on her waist and her own running through soft dark hair, dim light coming from a flame casting shadows against the walls. There was a love deeper and fonder than any other she had ever known, yet also an aching that hurt more than anything she had felt before, that seemed to almost take her breath away and made her heart beat faster and harder along with terror and fear suddenly pooling in her stomach and sending adrenaline through her veins. 

Quickly, she turned away and tried keeping her eyes trained on Laurel. It only took a few seconds for her joy, her fondness for her sister and the slight respect she had for the event to return and her breath steadied as she smiled and laughed with her sister, throwing in jokes and playful mockery here and there. She almost wondered whether the vision had just been an illusion. A mix of the alcohol and the fact that she wasn't just happy but maybe also a bit jealous of the fact that her sister was getting married to someone she had been with for five years whereas Sara seemed incapable of holding down a relationship for more than three months. But still, she couldn't keep her eyes off of Nyssa. She was awfully aware of her presence in the room and while she tried to stay engaged in the conversation, her gaze and her thoughts kept on returning to the woman in the dimly lit corner. 

"She's a lesbian, you know.“

Now Sara was the one almost spitting out her drink. 

"Who?" she asked, at which Laurel just grinned.

"I should actually talk to some of the people I don't see that often. And you need to stop stressing about being the perfect sister tonight." 

She leant in and lowered her voice a bit, a smirk already on her lips. 

"I'm sure, Nyssa is great with stress therapy.“

She turned around and left Sara standing by the table, rolling her eyes and wondering how to best approach Nyssa.   
_

"Hello."

When Sara turned around, she was surprised to see Nyssa standing there, just a bit closer than what would be normal for a stranger yet somehow comfortably close for Sara. Nyssa held up a glass, half filled with whisky and Sara gladly accepted it.

When she looked right at Nyssa, she was grateful that there were no images flickering up this time.

„Whisky is my favourite. How did you know?"

The hint of a smile formed on Nyssa's face.

"Intuition. You are Sara Lance, right? "

Sara nodded. 

"And you are?" 

Nyssa stepped even closer, still not in a way that made Sara uncomfortable though. If anything, it made her want to close the distance between them. 

"Nyssa al Ghul." There was a silence, almost like she meant to say more and her eyes narrowed the tiniest bit in confusion but she just nodded to one of the tables behind Sara and followed her towards it.

"You were staring." she said as Sara put her glass down.

"I thought I had recognised you."

Sara was surprised by her own response. She wasn't one to deflect flirting but something about Nyssa threw her off. She could play this game however. 

"Or like someone I'd really like to get to know." she added, now with a sly smile.

She took a sip of the whisky on front of her. Another image flickered up. She saw Nyssa sitting across from her in a dark bar, their hands linked on the table and Nyssa looking at her with a sweet, almost vulnerable smile on her face.

Just as quick as the image had surfaced, it disappeared. Shaken up, Sara looked at the woman in front of her whose expression was much more guarded and less carefree than the one in her vision. She noticed.

"Are you alright?“

The worry on her face was honest and caring and looking at her, Sara felt oddly at ease.

She nodded.

"I'm okay."

Nyssa leant forward like she knew that there was more to it. 

"But?"

Sara considered just laughing it off. She hesitated for a moment.

"Is there anything more in this drink?" she asked and nodded towards the glass in her hand.

Nyssa shook her head.

"Nothing that I'd be aware of. The bartender poured your drink while I was watching. My father has..." she hesitated. "He's in a dangerous profession and has made some powerful enemies so I learned early on to always make sure to watch my drinks. I would've noticed anything along those lines."

Sara trusted her words.

"Should I check in with Laurel or is there anything else I can do for you?" Nyssa asked. 

"No." Sara said, answering a beat too fast. "I want to keep talking to you." 

She didn't know where the softness in her voice was coming from. Usually it took her a long time to let down her walls. But she really did want to keep talking to Nyssa. Even more when she started smiling at Sara, still more guarded than in her vision but so very beautiful, Sara found it hard to keep her breath steady. 

"I do too." she said and reached for Sara's hand. Sara was sure that her heart was gonna jump out of her chest as she felt it thumping against her ribs with the now more familiar sensation of love rolling over her. 

"I will get you a glass of water first, however." Nyssa said and stood up. 

_

Sara wanted to run. Rationally, everything about Nyssa seemed odd at best and creepy at worst.

The visions. The fact that she worked for criminals who had done atrocious things, according to Laurel. Those piercing eyes that seemed to stare right into Sara's soul. The way that she felt something for Nyssa, something she didn't quite dare calling love that fast but a connection that ran so deep, it terrified her.

But she couldn't run. Instead, she reached for Nyssa's hand, a gesture far too familiar as she followed her outside and into the garden of the Queen's mansion. She was more drawn to this woman than she had ever been to anyone else. Whatever was beginning to prosper between them, it felt inevitable.

Once they had taken a few steps onto the grass, Nyssa visibly breathed out.

"You like the darkness." Sara said. It wasn't a question. She knew. 

Nyssa sat down on the grass, Sara following suit, quickly deciding that the stains it might leave on her dress would be worth it. 

"During the day, we're flashed by all the color, the light and all the facades around us. Things are a lot clearer at night. There are less distractions." Nyssa said. 

Sara looked at her. 

"I'm glad there are no distractions right now." she whispered silently, not quite sure whether she actually meant to say that out loud. 

Nyssa turned her head to look at her and once again, Sara felt like she was staring right into her soul, like she knew all her secrets and could read her like an open book. And she didn't mind. She didn't want to hold anything back, she wanted Nyssa to know her, to read every single page. 

"So am I." Nyssa said. 

Sara didn't know who leaned in first with the pull between them being so undeniable and so strong that it was almost surprising that it had taken them until now. Nyssa's lips on hers felt like everything she ever longed for. The love she felt for her overwhelmed her once more but this time, it was less frightening and felt just right. Sara didn't push it away and allowed it to stay, reaching for Nyssa's cheek and pulling her closer. When Nyssa's hands were on her waist, her skin burned under her touch, her body trembling not from the cold but because Nyssa knew how to touch, knew how to kiss her just right. Visions flashed through her mind again, images of Nyssa beneath her, Nyssa smiling at her and Nyssa holding her. But there was nothing terrifying about them and her feelings anymore. Instead, Sara never wanted to let them go. 

_

Sara remembered the first vision she had of Nyssa, herself pressed against a dark stone wall, when Nyssa gently pushed her against the Queen's staircase behind her.

Her body felt so good against hers, like they were meant to fit together, so good that Sara ignored the doom that seemed to be waiting for them behind the next corner. They hadn't really gotten around to talking more about the images flaring up when they looked at and touched each other. But Sara's visions were getting darker with short flashes of Nyssa bleeding, herself alone on a shore or in a dark room, seemingly dying in Nyssa's arms in between happier images of waking up in Nyssa's arms, kissing every inch of her skin and holding hands while looking up at the stars above them. Her instincts told her that something was off, was wrong but she pushed the thought away, didn't want to think about these images with Nyssa's face in her hands and her soft lips kissing down Sara's jawline.

Sara wasn't sure when things had last felt as perfect, when she had last or if she had ever felt this good and she didn't want it to stop. 

"Ta-er al-Safer." Nyssa whispered into her ear. 

And suddenly, Sara remembered. Countless memories unloaded on her. Nyssa training her. The pride and sorrow in Nyssa's eyes as she swore her allegiance to the league. Her first kill. Fighting armed men together. A mission together. Their last night together. Nyssa in Starling City. Her resurrection. Nyssa in her prison cell. 

And as she took Nyssa by the shoulders and lightly pushed her off of her and actually looked at her, her Nyssa, more and more memories came back to her.

The Gambit. Lian-Yu. Her death. Rip and the rest of the Legends on a rooftop. Her team. Flying them through the time stream. The 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s. The Time Masters. Laurel's grave. Damien Darhk. 

Breathless, she held onto Nyssa's strong frame and leant into the wall, certain that she wouldn't be able to stand on her own feet. Nyssa didn't say anything and just reached out to her waist to hold her. She still knew exactly what she needed, Sara thought. It stung now. 

"Nyssa." she whispered and reached out to hug her, holding onto her as tight as she could. Sara felt like she was drowning in all of the memories, in all of the pain going through her again. Nyssa had always been her safe haven in rough waters. It almost felt like betrayal to cling onto her like this when Sara wasn't sure if this was okay anymore. But something seemed to change in Nyssa too. 

She shortly broke away from Sara, just to look at her. 

"Sara." she said. 

She brushed a strand of hair out of Sara's face, her gaze changed now, aware of the assassin standing in front of her.

_

Afterwards, Sara wouldn't quite be able to recall the way that they held eachother and sat or rather stumbled down onto the stairs as her memories came flooding back. It might've been hours that they spent like that, their arms tightly wrapped around each other's bodies and Nyssa's hand resting on Sara's head as Sara hid her face in the crook of Nyssa's neck, focussing on breathing in and out. In and out. All the hurt that she had endured, that she had caused throughout the past ten years, it tormented her all at once. 

She remembered that Laurel wasn't alive and getting married tonight but had been killed. That Sara couldn't do anything to save her. That Rip had left and that she wasn't sure whether she was carved out to fill his shoes and captain the team. That Snart had sacrificed his life. And even some of the memories from her time on Lian Yu, with Ivo and in the league, her death, her resurrection pained her. Wounds that she thought had begun healing, felt like they were being ripped open once again. Sara wanted to cry and scream upon the pain that consumed her, overwhelming her in waves with every new memory but instead, she felt paralysed, powerless even. There was nothing she could do to withhold the images flashing through her mind, the people she lost, the people she killed, the one's she'd hurt and the ones she loved. So she just kept on holding onto Nyssa, breathing in her familiar scent, pressing her face into her soft skin and nestling into her firm embrace. 

They had mostly avoided touching or even speaking with each other beyond what ever had been necessary for the mission since Nyssa had returned but now, Sara was so grateful to have her. There wasn't really anybody else who made her feel protected and at peace like Nyssa did. Not since Laurel died. And Nyssa didn't let go, not even when Sara had calmed down, when her breath got steadier and her body less tense. Though she noticed when Sara loosened her grip and pressed a short kiss against her temple before they let go of eachother, instead now holding hands between their laps. 

Neither of them talked for a moment. 

"Thank you." Sara said. 

Although she didn't mind being vulnerable with Nyssa, she felt almost embarrassed, unsure of how many boundaries she had just crossed. She looked at their hands where she was mindlessly rubbing circles on the back of Nyssa's hand with her thumb, suddenly nervous about everything that had happened throughout the night. 

Nyssa lifted one of her hands to Sara's chin, raising Sara's gaze just enough to look right at Nyssa's face and immediately she felt calmer again. There was no blame, no rejection in Nyssa's gaze, just warmth. 

"Always." Nyssa said silently. 

And Sara knew that she meant it. Maybe even a bit too much. Internally, she scolded herself for only thinking about what she needed and how she was doing. 

"I'm so sorry, Nyssa, I wasn't thinking and oh god, I’m sorry that I kissed you and-" 

Nyssa cut her off. 

"Sara. Stop worrying. I've practically spent my entire life brainwashed, remember?“ Sara did remember. And even though, it might be barely visible, she saw the way that Nyssa tensed up a slight bit more than usual. 

She cupped Nyssa's cheek with her hand. 

Nyssa shook her head. 

"You were the cure, Sara but never at fault for it."

"No." Sara said. "You did that, you questioned your father and you disbanded the league. That wasn't me."

"Maybe so. But who knows how long it would've taken me to see our true colours if you hadn't left, if I hadn't been forced to choose between my own and the league's integrity, hadn't spent time with Laurel and with your friends. My reality would certainly look different."

Sara nodded. 

"Our friends." she only corrected. 

Nyssa smiled. 

"And as for the time we spent together here. I would lie if I said that I didn't enjoy it."

There it was. A smirk, invisible to those who didn't know Nyssa and her charm, still almost irresistible. Almost, Sara reminded herself. She took a breath, grounding herself in the situation. 

"Do we know where we are?" she asked. 

"I remember that we were fighting the dominators but afterwards, I'm still reconstructing my memory."

Sara remembered. She did because she remembered the few seconds of sheer panic that she wasn't with Nyssa. In a fight, as long as she had her by her side, she knew she was going to be okay. They were a lethal combination and knew each other's next move before their own sometimes. Sara had found a steady beat with the rest of Team Arrow, Barry and Kara too and had learned to trust Ray too but nevertheless after fighting by her side again, Sara felt naked, vulnerable once Nyssa had been sucked into the spaceship. And regardless of how well she knew that Nyssa was capable of defending herself, it made her panic, not knowing where she was, what the aliens would do to her.

"So we are in a simulation and we need to restore everybody's memory." Nyssa concluded after Sara told her what she remembered. 

Sara sighed. 

"We do."

Nyssa raised an eyebrow. 

"But that isn't your wish."

"No, it is. But it's just... Nyssa, I'm exhausted. Laurel... Laurel is dead and I, I have a time ship and still can't save her. We have been on missions constantly, now we are fighting a war against aliens we don't nearly know enough about and I don't want to stay here, not at all but at least this was... good. I haven't had that in a while." She exhaled. "I just need a break.“

Nyssa's expression shifted. She wasn't trying to figure out the best way to proceed anymore. She was worried about Sara. Sara knew this look and she tried ignoring it, tried looking away because this was familiar territory. Something about Nyssa could always draw out Sara's emotions. And it usually ended with Sara crying. Something about Nyssa always made her feel so at ease that she had never felt bad about breaking down in front of her because she always knew that Nyssa was there to catch her. But she had left Nyssa, twice now. This wasn't a burden that she wanted to lay down on her anymore. She might not be sure who else she could share these things with yet but she had already crossed every boundary, used Nyssa without giving her any space to breathe and she really didn't want to push it any further. 

But still, when Nyssa said "So we can rest. It's late, most of them are scattered throughout the mansion, the hotel and the city now. They will be here for breakfast tomorrow morning.", Sara nodded, once again grateful for Nyssa by her side. 

"Are you sure that's okay?" she asked. 

She knew that Nyssa would prioritize her needs over her own, protective by nature, but nevertheless, she wanted to give her the space to reconsider. "We do still have to fight off some mind-controlling aliens."

"Exactly. You're useless to the mission if you exhaust your resources." Nyssa said and Sara couldn't bring herself to disagree. She was right. So when Nyssa stood up and reached out her hand, Sara took it, unsure of whether she should hold on or let go as they stood across from eachother. 

"I assume, Oliver's family assigned one of their guest rooms to you?" Nyssa asked. "Not to sleep together but to sleep." she added as uncertainty flashed over Sara's face. 

Sara nodded and led her further upstairs and down a few corridors into a guest room with a wide and soft bed, probably more luxurious than any bed that Nyssa and her had shared during their time in the league. 

Getting undressed was awkward. Sara needed help getting out of her dress as her zipper got stuck. Nyssa needed something to sleep in and as she stood in front of Sara in nothing but Sara's slightly too small t-shirt and her panties, Sara asked herself whether they really weren't going to take it any further. Because regardless of the time they had spent away from on another, Sara couldn't deny that she still loved her, still felt attracted to her and that she still made her feel things that nobody else could. If this simulation had proven anything, it was how seamlessly they could fall back into their old patterns. And she knew, Nyssa felt the same. Part of her had always thought that they would always find their way back to each other. But now, she just worried that they would leave each other heartbroken once again. 

_

For a while, they just laid next to each other, almost but not quite shoulder to shoulder and tried to ignore the tension in the room.  
Sara's thoughts drifted off and while it now felt less consuming, the pain hit her once more. It seemed so cruel. She was at her dead sister's wedding, laying in bed with someone who had sent her away and who she hadn't fought for while the rest of her friends were probably blissfully unaware of what was going on and she would have to wake them from their dreams in the morning, forcing them to remember the same wounds of their own past and present. She knew, she had to. A life that was a lie wasn't a life at all. But when the tears started watering in her eyes, they were as much for her as they were for them.

They were silent, Sara's body not even shaking. But of course, Nyssa noticed. She hesitated for a few minutes but eventually, she put an arm around Sara.

"Is this okay?" she asked, vulnerable too.

Sara snuggled into her warm body and grabbed Nyssa's hand with both of hers in front of her chest.

Her voice was shaken by the pain, barely a hoarse whisper.

"Is this okay?"

Nyssa just fully turned to her side, their entire bodies now touching. Sara could feel the tension leave her body in Nyssa's embrace, jaw unclenching and shoulders relaxing. It was easier to grieve like this when there was no war that they had to fight, no responsibilities she wasn't sure she was carved out to carry, weighing down on her chest tonight. And however vulnerable she got, however easy it was to hurt her, tonight, nobody would. Not when Nyssa held her like this.

So she cried. For Laurel especially. She wasn't sure if this one was ever going to stop hurting. If she had ever had another half, it had been Laurel. She was so different to Sara and knew everything that she didn't, could do everything that she struggled with and yet always understood her, knew what to say and how to be the missing puzzle piece that Sara needed her to be. Sara didn't know whether she would ever feel whole again. She had mostly just accepted that she couldn't, that this hole in her chest was just something to get used to. And yet, she hadn't cried for Laurel since she had gotten back on the Waverider. So Sara mourned her until there seemed to be no tears left in her body. 

It didn't stop hurting. But she felt better, calmer, like the tears had cleansed her and left her just a bit less hurt, just a bit less messed up. 

She turned around to Nyssa and wrapped her own arm around her waist, barely leaving an inch between their faces. 

"Are you feeling better, Ta-er al-Safer?"

Sara's heartbeat sped up at the term of endearment falling so easily from Nyssa's lips. She closed her eyes. It had been a long time since she had last called her that. She could feel Nyssa's hot breath on her skin. It would be so easy to close the distance between them. 

"I am." she whispered.

Nyssa nodded and Sara didn't have to open her eyes to watch Nyssa struggle. She knew that her eyes would dart shortly to Sara's lips and that she was looking at her face the way she often had when they laid like this. When she felt Nyssa shift, she leant in the slightest bit. 

But she only felt Nyssa's lips on her forehead, so gentle and soft. 

Sara opened her eyes and when she saw Nyssa's dark eyes looking back at her, she almost held her breath. Nyssa looked at her with so much love, so pure and so freely given. It took Nyssa a long time until she allowed herself to let somebody else in. But when she let her walls down like that, when she looked at Sara the way she did now, it always left Sara stunned, every word stifled in her throat. None of them would do Nyssa's beauty justice anyways. So Sara took Nyssa's face in her hands, softly touching her as if she was fragile and drew her face down by just a few inches. 

Their kiss began tender, both of them still careful as if any movement too fast, too rough could shatter the precious connection they had found in this moment. It was Nyssa who eventually scooted closer, her hands below Sara's shirt on her waist and pulled her towards, slightly on top of her. It dizzied Sara, still easily captivated by Nyssa's strength and she pinned Nyssa against the mattress as her hands travelled over Sara's back and rested on her hips. Their legs were entangled and Sara could feel Nyssa below her, almost every inch of her skin with both of their t-shirts riding up far above their waist, both of them being pulled up by Nyssa's hands on Sara's back, her waist, her sides. She started kissing Nyssa's sharp jawline, her neck, eliciting a breathless moan from Nyssa before she kissed Nyssa again and wondered how she had gone without this sensation, without kissing her, not anyone but Nyssa, for such a long time.

But when she came up to breathe and looked at Nyssa, she met hesitant eyes. 

Sara waited and for a moment their breath, loud in each other's ear and hot on each other's skin, was the only thing cutting through the silence.

"Sara-" was everything Nyssa said but it was enough. Sara shifted to the side, now facing Nyssa once again and reaching for her hands to hold inbetween their bodies instead.

"I'm sorry." she whispered. "I didn't mean to push you or overstep or anything."

Nyssa sighed.

"You haven't. Being close to you is my greatest fear and my deepest wish. But the further we go, the more leaving you is going to hurt. And Sara... we are not coming back to eachother, are we?"

It felt like a punch to the gut, waking up from this dream as well. 

Sara wanted to. Everything always drew her to Nyssa, always had and always would. Something had shifted between them since her death but still, nobody understood her the way she did, nobody made her feel safer, nobody else knew every single side to Sara and loved her not only regardless but because of it. But still, she knew that Nyssa was right.

Sara was travelling through history on a time ship, was only beginning to find her footing as a captain and Nyssa still had other responsibilities to attend. Love was a dangerous game to play in their field and they both knew they couldn't risk each other. Sara wished, she had words like Nyssa, anything to ground her feelings in. But she could just look at Nyssa as her eyes started welling up. Somehow, she had always assumed that they would end up back together, that it was just a question of time. But things felt different this time. More final.

Sara lightly shook her head.

"We're not."

The change in Nyssa's expression was subtle. She had known Sara's answer before she had even asked her. But still, Sara could see the way that it tore Nyssa apart, hearing it from her. She wanted to stop her heart from aching, heal her like they had done it for each other so many times before. She knew she couldn't. But they had already pushed the boundaries further too far tonight so Sara leaned in once more, slowly, to give Nyssa the space to make a decision.

When their lips touched, it was as sweet as it was agonizing. It was everything Sara had done for so many years and yet felt so new. She could taste Nyssa, sweet on her soft lips along with the salt of her tears. It was soft and tender and left Sara overwhelmed again, this time not because of old feelings and memories but because leaving Nyssa - again -, it tore a new wound. She still loved her so much, knew her so well and loved her for who she truly was that it seemed so unfair that they had to leave each other behind. Her entire body ached with pain, only eased by Nyssa's kiss making her feel like she was loved like that too.

They rested their foreheads against each other’s, neither of them speaking. Everything had already been said after all. 

They stayed like this, eyes closed, holding onto each other's hands between them and listening to the other's breath and heartbeat until they fell asleep. They slept peacefully, not haunted by any old ghosts or new mistakes but for one night safe and sound.  
_

Sara and Nyssa didn't speak much after waking up. Sara didn't know what to say. It was far too easy for a "Sorry." or "I love you." to slip out so she barely said anything at all.

Talking to the others was surprisingly easy. Nyssa spoke to Thea and Oliver while Sara revealed everything to Ray and Diggle. All of them had noticed similar memory flashes and took it in stride. They were quickly convinced to join the search for a portal, that Nyssa said must've been placed in the city. They waited outside while Sara walked up to her sister. 

She knew she didn't have much time but she needed this. Laurel looked joyful, dressed in pyjama pants and a bit of a worn out sweater. Her smile was so genuine that it made Sara's heart ache, regardless of how well she knew that this was not her Laurel. She didn't want to be the one to wipe it off her face. But when Laurel looked at her, she immediately looked worried. She rushed to Sara and held onto her arms.

"Sara, are you okay? Did something happen?“

Sara couldn't speak. With the lump in her throat, she was sure that anything she would try to say would just end in tears. So she wrapped her arms around Laurel and let her sister pull her into a tight hug.  
"Everything will be okay." Laurel just whispered into her ear, still a bit puzzled. Tears started welling up in Sara's eyes.

"I love you so much." she whispered and took a final breath before she let go of Laurel. 

She got on her toes and pressed a kiss to Laurel's forehead.  
"Goodbye." she said and she tried not to remember the way Laurel looked at her before she turned around, confused, worried and hurt. Instead, she burned the image of her smile into her brain, the way that she had radiated joy and light before. 

"Goodbye." she whispered once more, now to herself before she stepped out of the mansion where the others were waiting for her. Nyssa looked at her with that warmth and curiosity that would usually allow Sara to spill all of her secrets. But now, neither of them reached out to each other. Sara looked at the others, internally bracing herself as she remembered what was about to come. She cleared her throat. 

"I'm ready to go."


End file.
